Why our identities are BS

Sometimes I feel like I’m either bossy or awkwardly quiet, there’s nothing in between. I often come out of conversations wondering whether I came on too strong.

I spent the first 12 years of my life being a bossy older sister (I take full credit for my brothers’ intelligence and athleticism), and the years after that I figured I should tone it down a notch for fear of offending anyone. Hence the awkward quietness.

The last few years I’ve been trying to work out my default setting. I tell you what, figuring out this authenticity thing is bloody tough when you can’t quite recall who exactly you are.

We all create identities for ourselves along the way, and instead of just being our authentic selves, we feel like we need to stick to those identities.

But the default setting is a blank slate. We change every single day and evolve over time. And we can use this blank slate to choose who we’re going to be, what we’re going to do, and to change and grow every day.

So even though I feel a bit like I’m stumbling along this whole ‘figuring-myself-out-thing’, there’s a whole lot more ease along the journey as I stop trying to be The Nice/Quiet Girl and move towards just being me, whatever that might look like on any given day.

And I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. I have a friend who’s created this persona she calls ‘The Performing Seal’, and when she feels tired and CBF to put on her usual hilarious and outgoing facade to people, she doesn’t want to go out for fear of people discovering that she’s not always happy/funny/outgoing.

The effort of sticking to these identities is just too much.

We all change every day. We’re not The Nice Girl or The Performing Seal. We’re just us.

So just stick to being you. Because you’re awesome. And I like you just the way you are!


Is this something you've experienced? Tell me in the comments, I'd love to know! And if you know someone who'd benefit from this post, share it with them!